I hate Holland (the poem not the place)

There is a poem that at some point in your life someone will give you if you have a special needs child. It's called Welcome to Holland. I hate this poem, and not because it doesn't rhyme or use iambic pentameter. I hate this poem because people assume everyone with a special needs child feels this way...and I just don't. Maybe it's because Alden is high functioning, maybe it's because I'm insanely optimistic about his future, maybe I just don't "get it", I'm not sure, but I know that right now I hate that poem.

To me this poem says "I ordered a perfect child & I didn't get it, so I'll settle for this one because I have no other choice & I'll always be slightly bitter toward people with perfect children".

I NEVER expected a perfect child, all I cared about was that he was healthy & happy. We are working on the healthy part right now, but I can assure you that my child is happy, in fact "happy" was one of the first words he relearned, and it's probably his most used word.

I hate that my son has autism, I really wish for his sake that he didn't. This is not about me, this is about him. I don't feel sorry for myself, I don't feel angry, I don't feel bitter and jealous of parents with neurotypical children. I'm happy for them, I'm sure their kids are great, but mine is too. My child has learned to communicate without speaking, and that is pretty incredible. Every single person in this world is different, I think people forget that sometimes. Those normal kids people are envying have ADD or asthma or allergies or something else. Maybe they don't have any physical ailments, maybe they have depression, anxiety or something else. The point is why would you expect something that doesn't exist?

If you build up this imaginary day in your head, you will be disappointed. You might imagine a romantic dinner and dancing, but on the way out the door you're going to step in gum in your new pair of Louboutins. So many people imagine the perfect wedding day but something, even the most tiny thing is GOING to go wrong. It's just a fact. For me it was that I was having an anxiety attack & they tried to steal my chair for a guest. Someone else spilled red wine all over their dress, someone else's beautiful candle lighting photo came out with them looking completely cross eyed. We expect these little things day to day, why don't we realize that there are going to be some in the big picture too and some of them are going to be major.

In conclusion, I don't look down on people who do feel this way about their children, I feel badly for them. I hope they realize that even if they are "in Holland" that at least they had a safe plane ride & landing. That's really enough for me.